Posted by
Sayyidatul Jannah
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Tips
- Be sure not to confuse sex with love. Sex can cheapen your sense of yourself and the specialness of the relationship you are developing with this person. Wait and take your time.
- Love is scary! Opening yourself and being this transparent and vulnerable with someone can scare both of you into behaving in some pretty defensive ways at times. Be patient and kind with one another, and try to remember that if you have been hurt in the past, it was not this person who hurt you. Let the past go and live in the moment with this new love.
- Believe the very best about your partner and always give the benefit of every doubt to him or her. Never jump to believe something bad about him or her.
- Respect one another. Don't resort to calling names when you're angry. Realize that frustration can make you behave in desperation. Instead, if you really are that angry, when you find yourself ready to hurl something or call him or her a name, say, "I'm so angry and frustrated right now that I don't think we should talk for a few minutes. I'm not walking out on you or the discussion, but I need a few minutes to clear my head. I would like to take a walk / go home and call you later / sleep on it and talk tomorrow."
- Don't be afraid to sleep on it! People say "Don't let the sun set on your anger," and there is some merit in that, because it really means that you shouldn't just leave in frustration all the time, but rather work things out even if it's difficult. But some arguments really escalate past the point where either of you has real perspective, and what would be much better would be to simply agree to disagree for the time being. Going to bed, though leaving the argument unresolved but with the agreement that you will take it up again tomorrow, can give both of you the time to calm down, consider the other person's point of view, and identify what it is that is really pushing your button about the subject. Giving one another the space, respect, and time to reflect and be more objective is an important technique when you are really in love with someone - being in love makes emotions run very high at times, and perspective will help in regaining your sense of fairness and what is right.
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